By definition, stepmother relationships are complicated – not only for the stepmother, but for her partner, too.
Ladies just because you keep certain thoughts to yourself doesn’t mean you’re wrong for thinking them. You have rights, too!
Let’s face it a stepmother can often feel pressure, real or imagined, to keep some feelings to herself. She might also be embarrassed by what others may feel are petty emotions or she maybe afraid of confrontations that could follow point-blank statements about things that aren’t changeable.
She knows that some of her thoughts are meant to be shared only with her girlfriends, some only in her prayers, and some shouldn’t be voiced at all.
Husbands and Partners still there are a few things your LOVE wishes you just knew; her innermost thoughts that, if voiced might be hard to hear, that make her feel vulnerable and that are just plain embarrassing. Remember NO two women are alike, and this too goes for each stepmother.
Girl, please do not think in any way that this list is comprehensive, nor will every point hit home with every stepmother reading this post. But, these are thoughts that have been shared and I thought they may help someone.
- I married or I’m committed to you and not your children. That means my time isn’t theirs, so don’t think that I’m okay with altering my time all the time for your children. So, please ask do I mind doing things instead of assuming I’m happy to participate. I say, “Yes” because I want to not because I have to.
- Their poor behavior or rude statements & comments are not cute and need to corrected by you immediately. No, it is not my job to do it at first no matter how strong of a person I am.
- The traditions that you and your children had during your previous relationship with their mother. This Isn’t what I want to do going forward. Your messy divorce should not dictate how we manage traditions. Your children will be okay with change.
- When you don’t stand up to your children or their mother. I feel that I am not a priority. Instead, my feelings are pushed to the side and I am made to feel I am alone. I am not with you to be alone. So, fix it now
8 Responses
My husband and I both had a son(attended same HS) when we got married. Our boys were like night and day; mine khakis and shoes his Tim boots and baggy pants. The merging of our two lives was a hot mess. At one time forbidding his son in our hoe because of his disrespectful attitude. Life was miserable however I stayed true to myself and refused to allow him to cause confusion in my marriage. Fast forwarded…17years ago my husband’s son had a son and he finally matured!!!!! Anyone observing my family today would be hard pressed to believe the prior strife that had existed. I’m MA DEUEX (MOM #2) to my “bonus son”, GEM (GM FOR GRANDMA) to his 3 children and him and my son have their own relationship as brothers. The moral of my story is…Stay true to yourself and pray
Alana, so many women enter a blended family thinking its going to be all peaches and cream or that things will just fall in line immediately. Staying true to yourself will allow you to know what you will accept, tolerate, or refuse to give into. This will keep you happy and sane in the process. Thank you so much for reading and I appreciate you sharing a part of your story with me.
Yes, it’s not my responsibility to respond to grown people rude behavior. It’s my husband position to ensure his family know that we make decisions together regarding our household and family need respect our home when they come to visit.
Inez, OMG! Yes, yes & yes. Expectation, respect and unity must be the culture set in your home. If either one deviates from this things will be a hot flaming mess when they come to visit. Thank you for sharing your experience and for taking the time to read my blog post. Hope to hear from you again.
Good Read!!!
Sherri, thank you for reading. I know that this post does not fit everyone, but those that know of a Stepmother or is a Stepmother may have felt this way at some point in time. Stepmother is a title that doesn’t come with glitter. Again, thank you for reading.
“Your children will be okay with change.” YEEEEESSSSSSSS! We are almost 10 years in to this blended family thing, and this was an issue for many years. Some things I tackled slowly, like transitioning out the junk food and replacing with whole, organic foods. Some things I put my foot down about immediately, like saying it’s okay for the kids to be bored for a second, we are the carers , we aren’t the entertainment! And some things are never addressed at all, and at some level I choose to be okay with that. Most days, haha!
Chandra, you’re a wise woman, because you figured out along the way to navigate the right now, working on it later, and the I can tolerate that so it’s not worth the fight. I know I can admit most days I’m okay, but the big one is what they say. Adult children have no filter at times and can be plan rude in their responses. So, to keep peace I check out when my Fella is talking to his children on speaker phone, that way I don’t get put off by something they say. My Fella walks around oblivious and asks me what’s wrong. I have grown tired of explaining. I’m learning there are some battles that aren’t necessary to fight. Thank you for your commenting & for taking the time to read my blog post!