Hey, Girl!
Well, after Part 1 Post in my Dealing with Grown-up Children series… I hope that it gave you a little something to think about. This week lets chit chat about ensuring that we stay focused in our journey to build a relationship with his children.
When my Fella and I started dating I was adamant about not meeting his children too soon and him meeting my daughter too soon. Actually, my daughter had to ask me when was she going to meet him. Y’all when my teenager asked me this… I sat there looking stupid. Ladies, you know the look… you got when you were going over a friend’s house and their parents weren’t going to be home. Then came the dreaded question from your mother or father, “So is her parents going to be home?” Now, YOU know you need to answer, but you want to be cautious as to what is said. Yeah, that look! But, God knew my heart and my daughter’s heart too, because that same evening with out any planning… they met. Then, the next week I meet his daughter. Nothing was forced on them and they were able to see the consistency we still maintained as it relates to them.
See, I never wanted our children to think we were taking each other away from them. Since, this late in life relationship should be an enhancement as my Fella would say, and not a distraction. Its important to do what your heart leads YOU to do. This will ultimately make YOU feel comfortable as things progress in the relationship. And, it will build trust with the children. Stay your course and don’t rush anything.
DON’T MOVE YOUR FOCUS TOO FAR
Now that your children are grown and you are now in this new relationship… Girl, YOU need to invest time and energy into it. Depending on how this is managed and the amount of time that you and your partner have previously spent with your children and in other cases the grandchildren, this can result in both of you spending less time with your children and grandchildren.
Parents with adult children in the midst of a new courtship or relationship may overlook that their adult children still have need for them.
It’s important for parents to continue to acknowledge and be involved in the important milestones in their children and grandchildren’s lives.
If… YOU… want to invite your new partner to a family outing, I suggest out of respect for both sides to ask if they mind you including him. And, encourage your partner to do the same. From experience, I saw my brother’s chest pock out like a peacock when my mother invited her Mr. My brother called to talk to me about 3 times before the actual day of the event. It wasn’t that he disliked my mother dating, but he still was adjusting from my father’s passing 2 years prior. Now for me I just got upset and stayed away so that I could work it out in my mind.
Yes, we are grown and we had our own lives, but that still was our mother bringing someone new in the mix… and we had to get use to things quickly. We just weren’t ready, but that didn’t mean… she wasn’t. I was able to get myself together a bit faster than my brother only because… as long as she had Mr. she wouldn’t be worrying my nerves – only kidding. I was in the mist of going through my own dating personal battles and I wanted my mother not to have to go through the same. My desire for her was that she attract companionship that would complement her zest for life.
Be honest and understanding to the children’s relationship with their father. By doing this you will be building a better foundation for the relationship you will have with his children. I can’t say that this is a quick process, but it is a good start.
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