Something that I have been working through lately is this feeling of uncertainty, and now I’m able to acknowledge that I am actively living with it. This year I am turning 50 and nowadays I have the time to sit quietly and pull from my memory all the mentally documented risks and mistakes that I have taken from the time I started adulting. Also, I’m reminded it seemed that during each situation I felt life wasn’t treating me fairly was just those circumstances catching up to me.
THE FUTURE
Above all, I can’t speak on what the future holds, that’s the beauty of life. Life is constantly changing and throwing you curve balls as you go along. I have said to my Fella many times that Life doesn’t pause. Feeling the weight of uncertainty can make you want to just break down and give up, but that’s the thing about living. You find out life will keep moving forward whether you do or not. What is going to help me keep going in this long journey of uncertainty that I seem to be on yet again is a simple phrase….”I’ll see where this journey takes me” aka “I don’t know”.
To clarify, I never know the who, what, when, where or how of a journey. I just don’t know. Yet, I am okay with admitting that I don’t know where this journey will take me. Therefore, I don’t know if it is taboo not to know something. The longer I live and the more I experience this world and try to FEARLESSLY figure out my place in it the more I realize that although I am about to turn 50 I really don’t know anything…at all.
MY BELIEF
At this point in time, I believe in my lifetime I have barely scratched the surface of existence and I do believe that the more you learn and grow…the more you realize you don’t know… and I will probably never know. “I’ll see where this journey takes me” or “I don’t know” are answers although, they may not be the ones that most people who need a secure and definitive answer would want to hear. Yet, this is my truth and a valid one. I have specific and measurable goals attached to my career, side hustle, finances, and relationships. Do I think I will reach my goals? I don’t know maybe I will or maybe I won’t. Lastly, if I do achieve my goals will I even enjoy the accomplishments? I have seen that a lot can happen even over half a lifetime…so “I don’t know”.
WHAT I CAN SEE
Furthermore, I don’t think the JOY in living comes from knowing or not knowing…I believe the JOY in living comes from trying. Trying in spite of the obvious uncertainty just to see where the journey takes you. Something that I do know for certain is that I have both feet in and I’m trying. I’m still trying to grow, I’m still trying to work toward forming deeper connections in relationships, I’m even still trying to forge a career for myself that allows me to impact thousands of people. And, I actually am okay with people seeing me try, succeed and sometimes failing forward. I’ll just end by saying…
“Let’s see where this journey takes me” …
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